I’m Not Sorry for My Tears: A New Motion

“Don’t apologize for crying. With out this emotion, we’re solely robots.” ~Elizabeth Gilbert

Just a few nights in the past, I used to be at a cool, loud Mexican restaurant with some associates. In between sips of spicy margaritas and bites of chips with guac, I used to be speaking with considered one of my associates privately about her newest struggles. She was confiding in me that she was nonetheless fairly emotional about shedding her mother.

Though it had been two years, she nonetheless discovered herself crying alone and in entrance of others when she talked or thought of her mom. She talked about that the week prior, somebody at work had requested her a query about her mother and, upon answering, tears had began to move freely. Then, she was embarrassed and shortly took her fingers to her face to wipe the tears and began apologizing profusely.

“I’m so sorry!” she quipped. “I didn’t anticipate getting emotional. I apologize for the tears.”

This stopped me in my tracks. I used to be actually stymied by all of it proper then and there. I thought of this, and it hit me. What the heck is mistaken with our society? Wait, don’t reply that. There are approach too many issues, however I’m referring to this one specifically.

Why can we apologize after we cry? It completely ought to be the alternative. Crying is opening one’s coronary heart and soul. It’s being susceptible. It’s being actual, open, and in contact. It’s precisely what we’re imagined to do after we’re hurting. We’re purging ourselves of our unhappiness with our tears.

When my boys have been little and they’d burp or fart, I’d at all times say, “Higher out than in,” and this is similar. Higher out than in. Allow them to go. Launch the flood. Cry your eyes out. And, for the love of all of us, don’t apologize.

As an alternative, I suggest we begin a motion. As an alternative of apologizing, how about we do the alternative? Upon tears beginning to fall, how about saying, “I’m not sorry I’m crying”? That is taking our energy again. It’s taking delight in figuring out that you’re being actual, susceptible, and open.

My finest pal is a therapist. I mentioned this along with her, and she or he instructed me that just about each time a shopper cries, they apologize to her. Take into consideration that. They’re paying her fairly a bit of cash in order that they are often “seen,” and so they inform her they’re sorry for crying. She instructed me that she at all times tells them to by no means apologize for crying, however that typically doesn’t cease them from saying it in every subsequent assembly.

After realizing the obvious phenomenon of apologizing when the tears begin to move, I observed it in every single place. It was exemplified in each actuality present on TV, as these appear to be prime platforms to cry. Each single time I witnessed somebody crying, they uttered the phrases, “I’m sorry… ugh, so sorry…” as they tried to compose themselves. I might see the embarrassment of their faces and their mannerisms.

I additionally attended a funeral lately and observed that each time somebody relayed a narrative to me and began to cry, the following phrases have been at all times “I’m sorry.” It’s ubiquitous. I’ve by no means been round somebody or seen somebody on a present or film say, “I’m not sorry. I’m not sorry for exhibiting you my coronary heart, opening my soul, and being susceptible.”

Take into consideration how you are feeling if you’re with somebody who begins to cry. For me, I utterly soften inside. It doesn’t matter what the circumstances. Even when I’m mad on the different individual, I don’t like them that a lot, or I don’t know them very properly.

The second somebody cries in my presence, I soften a bit inside. No matter guard I had up, whether or not it was massive or small, it comes down. I really see them as a sense soul who simply occurs to be human. I’m drawn to them. I really feel related. I need to be nearer to them.

I’m additionally a bit honored that they really feel secure crying in entrance of me. I really feel a bit particular, even when that’s completely unintentional on their half. I really feel like they’re letting me in and exhibiting me extra of who they’re.

So, after developing with this new manifesto, I knew I wanted to begin training it and see the way it felt. It got here up two days later. I used to be telling my husband a few reminiscence I had about his dad, who had lately handed, and on this tender second, tears began to fall.

I fell into my rote mind-set and feeling and shortly apologized.

“I’m sorry I’m getting emotional,” I mentioned, after which I remembered. Oh shoot, nooooo, not that. So I course-corrected. “I’m not sorry, I imply.”

The humorous factor is that I’m sure he didn’t even discover my backpedaling. I, nonetheless, did. I observed that it felt higher to say I wasn’t sorry. It gave me company. I didn’t really feel weak. I felt energy in my phrases and in my tears. And it’s not even about energy; it really is about being actual and trustworthy.

There may be energy in being utterly clear. Life is tough, and our hearts break a bit and so much, and typically typically. It’s our alternative to really dwell the human expertise. To cry is to be human. There isn’t a motive to apologize for being human. Let it go. Let all of it out with gusto, after which stand sturdy and say, “I’m not sorry I’m crying” and see how that feels.

I’m not sorry.